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(Note: The joke that started this speech is a very visual joke.
It does not come across in writing, but works very well in person.
I have cut it from the text page. Get me to tell it to you some time)
(Greeting)
(Tell Sam the Taylor Joke)
I'm glad you appreciated the joke. My father taught it to me.
He taught me a lot of things.
I have noticed that nearly all the things I like best about myself
are traits I learned from my father.
I want to tell you a little about my father tonight,
and the things he taught me,
just to make you feel good about something.
If you met my father, you'd like him.
Dad's a great joke teller.
From short little anecdotes to long stories with obscure punchlines,
he can embellish them so well
with the details,
and the voices,
and the gestures
that you're glad you got to here him tell it.
Even marginal jokes are great when he tells them.
All of us kids learned by emulating him,
though none of us quite as well as he,
and he was always ready to let us tell one, too, even one of his.
I learned not to be afraid to speak in front of others,
and I'm sure this early training has a lot to do with why I like speaking
and why I'm here at Toastmasters.
I love music. I learned that from my father.
He's one of those people who can pick up any instrument
and make music come out of it.
When he was younger he sang with a barber shop quartet.
Often in our house, when my parents closest friends were over,
part of the evening would be spent harmonizing.
Sometimes I would be able to sing along.
I learned several of the old songs.
I learned not to be afraid to perform with other people.
My Dad taught his sons to become engineers.
Some of my earliest memories include Tinker toys, Lincoln Logs,
Erector Sets, and model railroads.
And he didn't just throw them at us;
He got right down on the floor and played with us.
He taught us how to build giant fortresses, airplanes,
buildings with elevators that worked,
Ferris wheels ... a ton of projects.
This learning didn't stop with store-bought building sets, either.
Dad could build or fix anything. He taught me how to use tools.
He took a correspondence course in electronics.
I followed in his books and did many of the experiments with him.
Certainly I'm in the career field I am
because of the things my DAD taught me.
Dad taught me many other things.
He taught me to solve puzzles, and other problems as well;
He taught me not to be afraid to think.
He taught me to be curious;
He taught me not to be afraid to learn.
He taught me to love life;
He taught me not to be afraid to be alive.
There is something I really didn't realize until I was preparing this speech:
MY DAD taught me not to be afraid.
MY DAD TAUGHT ME TO BE CONFIDENT!
(Address)
I love My Dad. If you met him, you'd like him.
I want to close by relating to you a little anecdote
that will give you a real memory of my father.
When all the kids but the twins had started school,
my mother formed the habit of taking a little nap in the morning.
One morning in February in Michigan the twins decided to give the cat a bath.
They dried him off with a towel, but, of course, he still looked wet.
They were afraid Mom would see him wet, so they threw him outside,
outside in the snow and the cold in Michigan in February.
When Mom woke up she noticed he was missing and looked for him.
When she opened the back door, there he was on the step.
His fur was frozen. He was half dead.
Mother never was good at handling crises, so she called DAD.
"Kenny, the kids.., the cat.., Kenny, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Dad told her to calm down,
to take half an aspirin,
break it into half a teaspoon of gasoline,
and pour it down the cat's throat.
She did.
That cat jumped up
and ran around the house from room to room,
up on the walls, all over the place.
Then he ran into the living room,
into the middle of the living room,
and just fell over. Just like that.
Mother was beside herself.
She screamed; she ran; she grabbed the phone and called my Dad.
"Kenny! Kenny! The Cat!! He ... and he ... and he ... and he ...
Kenny, Kenny, IS HE DEAD???
My dad told her, "Noohh, he's not dead.
HE JUST RAN OUT OF GAS!!!!"
Well, maybe I did embellished just a little.!?!?!?
After all, it is a story about My DAD!!!
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